Momma thoughts


Image result for rachel green copacabana

I’ve been really bad at writing this year. Terrible, actually. Usually I’m able to sit in front of the screen watching the cursor blink for a few minutes and then the words flow faster than my fingers can dance across the keyboard. But this year, life has been hurling at me, and my mind has been at a constant 200 miles per hour and my brain hasn’t been able to keep up. So there’s been radio silence here.

I’ve avoided sharing personal stuff on here because the focus has been kiddo stories, but today I started to think that maybe my story could help my friends so here goes:

In September I found a lump in my breast, about the size of a large cherry tomato. I saw my doctor and she recommended a breast ultrasound, which was inconclusive, so I had a mammogram, which was also inconclusive. I met with a breast surgeon, and she ordered a biopsy, but that was also inconclusive. Which means the next step is a lumpectomy today, so Lola Lump (which is what I named it), can be extracted and sent to pathology.

I’m going to be super frank and say that the whole experience has sucked balls, and not in a positive, life affirming, kind of way.  But I’m trying to stay as positive as possible and focus on the good, I’m 35 (36 on Friday, holla!), which is young, the mass can be painful, which though counterintuitive is a good sign, the mass can move, etc.

I’m also going to point out that if men had to put their balls in a vice and have them squeezed to detect cancer, the amount of money that would be allocated to researching a less painful method would be astronomical. All that is to say, more money and research should be allocated to make changes in mammograms, because ouch.

But I digress, the reason for this post is to encourage all the women (and men!) in my life to practice breast self awareness, as any changes visible (redness, puckering, or swelling) or felt through self exams, should be informed to your doctor ASAP, as early detection is key.

I’m not sure what Lola Lump’s deal is. Is she friend? Is she foe? Is she here so I can reevaluate my life and prioritize things better? Is she here to f*ck sh*t up? I don’t know. What I do know is she’s getting evicted, because while my boobs are fabulous, she just can’t stay, I got’s me a life I enjoy.

In conclusion, get to know your breasts, encourage others to get to know their breasts and any changes that detected should be followed up on with your doctor. Advocate for yourself, this process has taught me first hand how incredibly inadequate (to put it mildly) our health care system is, considering I’ve been fighting for months to get treatment to move faster than a snail’s pace. Love yourself, and those around you, enough to prioritize your health and make sure you seek medical care early.

And if you have any spare time to send out some prayers/positive energy/good juju my way, I’d appreciate it!



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